Following is the
conversation which was heard by some passersby, as they came across some cows
chatting by a Coodah Container:
COW
1: Arey Behno! Have you heard the best
news ever, one which has been flashing on the TV screens of Indian Humans,
these days? It seems that our patience has finally paid off. We are going to be
near ‘immortal here’ soon, replacing the ‘soon hereafter’ that we have been up
till now.
COW
2: What are you saying Behen! This is
such an udderly exciting news! Since when did the milk of human kindness begin
to flow in our direction? I thought that we were the only ace milk givers to
this nation long before since “Amul doodh peeta hai India”!
COW
3: Arey pagli! You talk like a mad cow. It seems that all that plastic and
bones that you ate from that garbage mound last week, has im-poroused your
brain. Milk flows only out of our udders towards them, not the other way round!
Vaise badi Behen Cow1 ji, I feel that the news is only a partial truth. We will
only cease to go into cans while out astitva in the poly-bags remains status quo. But I must say that chalo, in this
country justice (albeit in a twisted sense) does get served. We are as much u[i]nto
polybags as polybags are u[i]nto us. The ‘Ooper Wala’ of this nation has
finally been kind enough to send us cow police or our guardian gaurakshaks, so
what, even if more people have a ‘shak’ about our protection and upkeep.
COW
2: But sisters, come to ruminate about this, don’t you think that ever since
the Carnivore’s carving knife fell silent, the current cow crusaders still fail
to provide us the ever promised, yet always elusive Cosy Corner? After all, we
deserve our holy space, what being the Matas that we are! I mean, just look at
us, we have been perched precariously on these wobbly mounds of poly-bags,
paper and our own shit day in and day out as the speeding vehicles and times
whizz by!
COW
3: Pagli, you are such an Allah Mian ki Gai. Arey these people are justice
loving and fair to most, especially more- equal- than- other forms of creation.
So much so, that they treat us exactly like they treat their own mothers. Don’t
you see all those old women begging on the streets? These are their Maas, set
out by them on the roads to earn their own garbage!
COW
2: What is a Allah Mian ki Gai Behen 3?
COW
3: Perhaps the same as Shiv Ji ki Gai, for
all I know. But this I know for sure that all the baying for our blood has
finally stopped while the marketing of our milk has increased. They say that no
one has to worry about our population explosion, even though our nature
conservation massacre has been put an end to. Also, they says that we don’t
have to worry about our population boom despite those permanently randy- out- of-
season foreign bulls, that were brought in from Europe to impregnate us with
their supposedly alpha sperms. I tell you Behno! These fellows, when they are
let loose, are as loose charactered as their countrymen! They have no Laaj-
sharam or Lihaz of our traditional seasonal practice! (Sigh!) But how can you expect these Angrez bulls to know. I tell
you! I have no interest in these White Hides. I am white enough myself. No need
to hanker after them. Why! The other day, this foreign fellow was lowing at me
in heat. But I tossed my head away giving him my grand ignore. My poor sisters,
who have been ravished by these blue blooded imperial bulls fall into bovine
blues, suffering permanent pregnancies all the year round. This really makes me
see red!!
COW
2: You are so right my Bovine sister. All that copious European science and
engineering does seem to have turned their bulls into lewd and licentious libertines;
which is being used on us and has made our population go haywire by rising so exponentially.
Also, with our recent mortality rate come down to near zero, under the
guardianship of the vigilantes, our number has seen a noticeable rise. So much
so, that our ex- khasai-slaughterers have developed a fear psychosis of seeing
themselves as being trampled into Kheema under our largely multiplying hooves!
COW
1: So true Behen. Still, they have nothing to fear, they should know. What with
our calves being plucked from our udders all the while so that humanity can
receive their hisse ka milk. Our poor babies are going to die a natural death
from starvation, quite rapidly in the near future; since these humans, our
protectors now need every drop of our milk to Maha- bathe their postmodern dieties
like Rajnikant , blown to mega- proportions in their paper-forms.
COWS2
&3 : Hmmmm..... (Chew Chew Chew)
Long Silence
